In Praise of Things Un-sewn

During my first quilting class, our instructor acquainted us with 'un-sewing.' This, of course, is the same thing as 'ripping out' -- the dirge of the budding seamstress-- but she called it 'un-sewing' and she even said she would do it ALL for us. Whether or not we took her up on the offer, that made her seem like a goddess of quilting to us newbies.

I can remember a time when the end of a project for me was not when it was complete, but when I made a mistake and had to pull out the stitches and sew again. "Ripping out' is such a violent act! I just couldn't make myself do it. I find 'un-sewing' a much more gentle, natural process. I sew, and then again sometimes I un-sew. It's kind of like the tide.

I did a little un-sewing on the 43 minute flight from Fairbanks to Anchorage tonight. 43 minutes with a cold drink and a comfortable seat was just the right amount of time to clean up a little of the stitching I did on the Doll Quilt Swap Quilt over the weekend. I worked on it after I got tired, and it didn't really work out. Now I'm ready to try something else.

I've also learned that there are some things in life that I can 'un-sew' and redo. Not everything, of course -- some sewing projects and some things in life just can't be re-done -- but if I am patient and gentle with myself and others, it's surprising how often I can just calmly go back and pull out the 'stitches' of a little mess, and then try again when I am less tired, or less rushed. There is so much wisdom to be gained from quilting.

Good Grief

Nelda, Patty and I got to talking about grief while we were sipping our smoothies at Snow City Cafe this morning. Patty's dog Abbey is 12 -- pretty old for a Great Dane -- and she had a spell last week. Patty said she was in a panic, just to think she might die. Both Nelda and I grieved the loss of our pets in the last couple of years. Two years ago this month, my dog/friend Snoopy died and last fall, it was Nelda's black tuxedo cat Bill. Snoop died in the morning, and I took the rest of the day off work. I didn't cry much; we visited the reindeer farm, and Eagle River wetlands, and Eklutna Lake, driving around for most of the day. When Bill died, Nelda and I drank an expensive bottle of wine to celebrate his life. And we agreed that death sucks! And life goes on.

Grief seems so much more common to me right now, maybe because I'm at the age where loss becomes a part of life. In the past two years, Snoopy, my Dad, my niece Raenna, my friend Grace, all died. My Mom disappeared into the fog of dementia. We packed our family history into cardboard boxes and sold the house. My four girlfriends at work all quit in one week. Two bosses moved on to new jobs. So many losses. So many changes. Was life always like this and I didn't notice?

I've learned I can adjust to loss and grief. It no longer seems like the 'spike through the heart' event I once thought it was. It can become more 'normal,' more like a strong current, deep in the river of life, pulling us all past the glittering shore. It roots us in the reality, and necessity, of change. It doesn't drag me down, but it does hold me firm to my core beliefs. And when I least expect, it stirs up old roots, and leaves and silt that remind me of the moments, the looks, the warm touch, of those who have sailed on ahead. And I cry in those moments -- not for days, or even hours, but just for a few minutes. There is less drama than I might expect, but I'm surprised to learn, it doesn't pass. Grief stays with us, maybe forever, I guess, like invisible threads that tie us to our past.

Doubt

I am reading the History of Doubt. The author postulates that one role of the artist is to mediate the space between the harsh realities of an uncaring universe and feelings-driven life of the total believer. Reading that helped me understand the thought process of the 'abstract' artist, like my friend Nelda. Before I read this passage, I could see what she did -- looked at nature and then created works that represented the 'feeling' she got from the view -- but I couldn't really grasp the thought process. Now I have a better understanding

Doll Quilt Swap

I signed up for the Doll Quilt Swap and have started on my quilt. I've never made something to just give away to a stranger. I did this in part because I like to make artworks, but I don't really have a clear goal beyond the creation process. That means I end up with a storage problem in my small house!! I do put together a solo show every couple of years, but other than that, I enjoy the creation process much more than the marketing angle. Anyway, so far I like the feeling of this 'gift for a gift' swap idea and I wonder where it will lead.