Dall Babies

The other night, I stopped to watch the Dall sheep on my way home from work. There are many ewes and lambs high on the mountains; they look like little white dots until you focus on them. But if you pause for a moment, you can see tiny fuzzy creatures jumping across the rocks. The sight of these babies playing grabs my heart – a Mom is a Mom -- and just for a moment, I fear for their safety.

I’ve learned that motherhood is always intense and these days it washes over me, cleansing, moving, at times nearly drowning me. My Mom is dying down a winding path, and I walk with her on these days, not because I can save her, but just because I can share the time, and shine love on that crooked tired smile. My intent is to comfort her, hold her, touch her, take this last opportunity to be the best daughter I can. I found a string of pearls when we packed up her house, and I’m wearing them every day this Mother’s Day month. I might even keep wearing them when the month is over so that I can think of her every time I look in the mirror.

At the same time, my daughter is asking me how I’d feel about being a grandma. I am a little excited, but each step she takes in her normal life, I have to work through my concerns that she will be exposed to new danger or heartache. It’s a silly thing, I know, but this mother-daughter thing burns with selfish intensity and I wouldn’t sacrifice her even for a grandchild. Of course, I can’t save her from the pain or life in general. It’s her life – not mine -- I’ve done my part. But I think my body was programmed to defend her the first time I looked down at her in my arms, and I will struggle to accept that she will take chances and move to new levels throughout her life.

I wonder if those Dall moms gasp when their baby leaps from a rock high on the mountain. There are likely multiple generations up there – great-grandmas, grandmas, moms and daughters. In a few months, the lambs will be grown and from a distance they’ll be impossible for me to tell apart from the adults. It seems like a ‘natural’ connection for them – and I guess it is for me and my family too. All these mothers and daughters strung together like pearls -- scattered across a mountainside, draped around my neck, and inseparable through time eternal.

A Rosey Future

, originally uploaded by aryllascott.

As I got up at 4 AM, I heard the heartfelt song of this robin. Pulling back the curtain, I saw him right outside my window in a barren bush --the photo is fuzzy because I snapped it through the screen.

I smiled at him because I realized that if robins sing before the snow goes then it must be true that hope arrives before the end of difficult times, and even sings a sweet song to keep us moving forward.

Amazing Grace

Returning to work this week, I was amazed to see the explosion of wildlife. All those geese that we've seen flying by over the past month are sitting on the ground up here waiting for ice to melt so they can build their nests. The caribou are restless and they all seem to be walking north toward the caving grounds. I know it's just the normal springtime change, but after so many months of darkness and desolation, it seems like a miracle. And I feel so blessed to be a small part of such abundance. There aren't the many opportunities for one human to be in the presence of millions of other creatures.

Is that you T-Rex?

Our travels through the John Day Fossil beds in Oregon earlier this month including seeing fossils of wonderful animals lived on this earth 45 million, 20 million, 10 thousand years ago but became extinct. It came to me that our anxiety about global warming is perhaps really a concern about the possibility of human extinction, for certainly the earth is not at risk -- but rather the conditions we need to survive.

Consider the smylodonts, cynodonts, Macrauchenia, Wooly Rhinos. They were amazing! And they're all gone. If T-Rex made it, he now looks like this sparrow. I guess extinction is actually not such a dishonorable end. If humans do cease to exist on this earth, we'll be in glorious company.